“I’m gonna make a change
For once in my life
It’s gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right
As I turn up the collar on
My favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin’ my mind
I see the kids in the street
With not enough to eat
Who am I, to be blind pretending not to see their needs?
A summer’s disregard
A broken bottle top
And a one man’s soul
They follow each other on the wind ya know
‘Cause they got nowhere to go
That’s why I want you to know
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could’ve been any clearer
If they wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change”
“Man In The Mirror” (1987)- Michael Jackson, written by Glen Ballard and Siedah Garrett
We all face times when we look in the mirror at ourselves and the decisions we’ve made over the course of our life. In their song “Man In The Mirror”, Ballard and Garrett wrote, “I see the kids in the street with not enough to eat. Who am I, to be blind, pretending not to see their needs?” While it’s not too difficult to give a hungry person food, I often think of people in the past who have faced even tougher decisions. If I was an average citizen living my life in Germany during the Holocaust, would I have spoken up, or just turned a blind eye to what was going on? Or if I lived on a plantation in the South in the 1800s, would I have acknowledged that slavery was wrong? I like to think I’m respectful of all people regardless of their race, religion, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, but what if I lived in a different time? Would I have spoken up?
In 1985 I got interested in genealogy and tracing my family history. I discovered some fascinating information about my family tree. I found I had an ancestor who had to look himself in the mirror and make a life changing decision. What would I have done if I was in his shoes? Let me introduce you to my great-great-great-grandfather, Thomas White.
My mom’s father was born in North Carolina in 1908. His mother, Laura White, came from long line of White family ancestors living in North Carolina. Laura’s grandfather, Thomas D White was born on February 3, 1810 in Perquimans County, North Carolina. On January 31, 1833, 22-year-old Thomas married Mary Abigail Morris, who was 16 years old at the time. They went on to have 12 children, including Jethro, my grandfather’s grandfather. They belonged to the Religious Society of Friends (better known as Quakers), and as such, I discovered they had great genealogical records from the minutes of their meetings.
At the Perquimans County Friends’ Meeting on August 1, 1857, my great-great-great-grandfather was reprimanded for persisting to hold slaves. Keep in mind that the Quakers were among the first white people to denounce slavery in the American colonies and Europe, and the Society of Friends became the first organization to take a collective stand against both slavery and the slave trade. While many individual Quakers spoke out against slavery after United States independence, local Quaker meetings were often divided on how to respond to slavery. But in 1857, in Perquimans County, the Quakers clearly wanted slaves to be liberated.
According to the meeting minutes, a committee investigated the matter, and it was reported that Thomas would have liberated the slaves except for the opposition of his wife, by whose inheritance they came into his possession, and he would not liberate them without her consent. This was unacceptable, and he was dismissed from the Friends community on October 3rd, in faithfulness to their testimony against slavery. He joined his wife in being kicked out of the church, as she had already been dismissed earlier that year for her pro-position on slavery.
My direct ancestor, a farmer and father of 12, had faced a decision- should he go against his wife’s demands and free their slaves, or keep the slaves as possessions to maintain the peace in his family? He apparently looked in the mirror, and decided to stick with his family although I’m sure he knew in his heart that slavery was wrong. What would I have done? I want to think I’d have liberated the slaves, but I suppose you never know unless you are in the actual situation yourself.
A few other interesting notes in the minutes from that same meeting- “Meetings for worship and discipline are attended by the greater part of our members, (however) many are remiss therein, particularly on midweek days… Unbecoming behavior (is being) guarded against.” In addition, a designated sub-committee reported they were not fully prepared to give the “number of those who do and those who do not use spiritous liquors as a drink”. They were requested to go back and complete the report by the next quarterly meeting. I’m thinking great-great-great-grandpa was in the “those who use spiritous liquors” column.
In whatever decisions you face day-to-day, don’t forget to take that look in the mirror. Are you satisfied with who you see?
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